Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
