i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
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I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize