I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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