am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
