doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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