the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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