he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
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She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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