Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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