sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
