god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
