Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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