May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Its about making memories worth repressing
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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