so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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