i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
