She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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