My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
