I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
