Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
