did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
