wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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