wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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