Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
