I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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