Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
