The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
