Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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