Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm like, not good at living.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
