is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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