toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
