So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
