btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
