you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Please don't give away my fajitas
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
