i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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