I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
