I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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