I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
