I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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