There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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