I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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