i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
