I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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