I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
try to milk me bitch
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
