i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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