you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
