Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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