I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
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I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
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I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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