Just mADE A PArabola og urine
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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