I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
