remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
