apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
