The maid of honor just puked.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
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Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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