Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
