Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
