4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
