We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
