it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
