you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
