I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
