So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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