like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
