Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
