It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
