Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
