why didn't you poke me back
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
