so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
