I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
