I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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