I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
