I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
