I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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