I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
