I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
