Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
