Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
