i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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