guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
