no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
