her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
well you can't waste a boner
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
