Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize