He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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