I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
