what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize