She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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